memories and futures

There is an absolutely brillantly written conversateon in the book Where the Heart is. Novalee has just won an award for a picture she took of a young Indian boy (a character they cut out of the mediocre excuse for a movie they made of the book...and yet I still own it!). She's talking to Forney, and she askes him if he has ever found himself doing something that adults do. Forney of course is a little confused by this and askes her to explain. She tells him that as she was packing for her trip it occured to her that packing for a trip is something that adults do. As she realised that she felt like she was outside of herself watching herself play the part of an adult even though she wasn't.
I was driving through Sewanee the other day, for those of you who have never visited the campus of the University of the South (Sewanee) I highly encourage you to, its the closest we have to Ivy league in Tennessee. Electra's pediatrican is on the outskirts of the campus, and I took her to the doctor for an ear infection. As we left the doctor's I took the long way out, so that I could see the campus again. I never went to school there, but my older brother did and I used to go up to the campus very frequently.
Many of the memories of my youth are found there. I went alone and with friends, to the library, and the coffee house. One night I went up with a large group to take part in a poetry reading. I was very excited, because I'd been practing a piece of Jack Keroac prose. But by the time we arrived the reading was over. So I took my friend Tanya over to another place on campus that I knew had an art gallery in the back that I wanted her to see. Unfortunately, we were too young to be in that bar, and I believe I am still the only person to get Tanya thrown out of a bar. Another night I went up with my goth friend Monica to check out the cemetary (it's one of the oldest in the South), we found a way into the cathedral that night and sang showtunes at the top of our lungs. The acoustics were so good I actually sounded good! I took every boyfriend I ever had up there. Munday proposed to me the day I took him up. While our relationship didn't last the memories of that perfect day still curl around my mind.
I had more life happen to me on that campus than at the college I actually went to. All my life the students were always the older ones, or at least my age, but now my first students could be Juniors in college. As I drove through there again, I realised that Munday's memory was the last I had there. Five years have past, and now as I see the campus I see my age. Yes at 26 I'm still young, but in these moments that Novalee described you don't see your age you see your change that snuck into to your life. Noone can stay the same, in another 5 years I'll have pasted 30 will that woman have anything in common with the Sewanee girl? What places, sights, or smells will bring back this present time to my thoughts? Will I remember it fondly or will I brush past it for more poignant recollections?

I just wanta know

I've been a girl now for a shocking 26 years, and I had a conversation or 2 lately that have brought some questions to my mind. My daughter is desperately trying to keep the boys that are chasing her around the playground from catching her. Now she's 6 ok, she has NO NEED for male attention outside a father-figure and she's beating them off with a stick. (Literally--just glad the teacher didn't see!!!!) Whereas, I know a good half-dozen women who are in their 20's and 30's (and I'm an anti-social who doesn't even tell her friends she's blogging)who are actually in need of some male attention, that can't find it. So the question is WHAT HAPPENED TO THE MEN'S INNER CLOCKS??? When in the course of daily life did they turn them off? All these women, desperate for them and they'd rather play video games, or sit around and twiddle their thumbs. Its just bizarre. Maybe I should read that book Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus. Could it be that for women, marriage means protection, and for men marriage means responsibility? Can it be that ridiculously easy? Perhaps, I should tell people about this blog, maybe I could get some insight, or at the very least some heckling of my pseudointellectual mussings.

books

So I'm reading three different books at present, excepting the Bible. None of them are similar, so I bounce back and forth as I get the erge. 1st is Frankenstein, honestly been reading it for months, kinda hit a dry spot and I'm wishing the monster would just shut up already and get back to the story. 2nd is the 3rd book out of 5 of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy triology (yes, its a 5 book triology, you just have to read and you'll understand) which is laugh out loud funny, but mind boggling at times. 3rd there's Mere Christianity, also mind boggling, but in a VERY different way. I've got so much highlighted that I have to go back time and time again to relive the aphiney (spelling?). Here's my latest highlight, the man was a GENIUS. He's talking about the end of the world, and how so many people say that God should either force Himself on us or allow us to choose whether or not to trust Him when He comes back.
"It will be too late then then to choose your side. There is no use saying you choose to lie down when it has become impossible to stand up. That will not be the time for choosing: it will be the time when we discover which side we really have chosen, whether we realised it or not."
What I find so amazing about that is that God is in that. He knows us and loves us so much that He has allowed us to choose on Earth whether or not to love Him. Because after this world when you stand before HIM you don't have a choice, you will love and fear Him. The difference will be, will you because of your choice on Earth be separated from Him after you realise your love for Him, or will you because you heard His voice and answered His call with hope and faith, be allowed to spend forever with Him and all that HE is??????????

disappointments

there isn't a woman I know that doesn't want to change. We add to ourselves, analyze our actions their actions. A glance, a dessert. We talk until every word has been said so many times that they are all meaningless. To be honest, on a whole men are more sane. I've been sad because a guy didn't write me back, and my friends sad because her boyfriend is worried about their relationship and where its headed. Everyone suffers disappointments constantly, but how do we choose to react to them? I know that sounds cliche, but its something to stop and ask yourself.

an experiment

I have several friends who publish blogs or even several, but this blog I don't plan to tell anyone about. I don't know who will show up or how often I'll write, but I think it will be interesting just to see. I'm thinking about relationships today or in my case the lack of the same. I've not dated in the last 5 years, and while I want to start again the process of how to get started and the logistics of actually doing the dating are enough to boggle the mind. Where do you find them, what do you talk about, what are the rules? Are there any answers? Now I'm aware that my mussings on this subject are hardly new or even really very interesting...maybe that's why I'm keeping this a secret. Facing public ridicule for my unoriginal conundrum will hardly help the matter. Well I must get to work, untill we meet again my fictious audience...